I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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