I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have post one night stand depression
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