He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
