My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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