just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
