dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
