I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
