Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
