I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
