Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize