I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
