I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
