Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So many bounce houses so little time
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize