i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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