DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
