If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
