is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
