i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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