Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
