We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
