a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
