Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
