I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
