My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
