I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
