tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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