these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
