We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
