I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
