She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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