if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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