I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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