So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
