My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just gargled with NyQuil
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
