I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
