I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
