I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
