so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
