chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
