well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
