How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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