Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
