He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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