Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
