I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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