Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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