i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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