I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
