I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
