My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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