you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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