I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dicks are not precious.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
