I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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