This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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