NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
