you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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