Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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