fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
