We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
