Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
