Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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