So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
