But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just blew my weed a kiss
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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