Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
