Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
