The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
