every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize