With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
