Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
