I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize