even my farts smell like vagina
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
