i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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