What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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