I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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