im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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