So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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