This beer is not sobering me up at all
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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