I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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