Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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