some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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