I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize