Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
