I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just google imaged poop.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
