i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
