i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
