In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
