sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
