i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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