i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
