she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
