She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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