if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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