you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
