At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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