Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
