I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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