My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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