I'm going to jail i love you
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
