Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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